He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
