he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
