i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
