Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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