I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pants are for mortals
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
