my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
