; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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