You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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