I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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