I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
