he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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