I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
