I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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