I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
