I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
