for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
