see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i now understand why vodka
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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