just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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