Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
