Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
