guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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