so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
