So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
