i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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