I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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