I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
