I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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