Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
