My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
