you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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