Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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