And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
