did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Green mimosas i think yes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
