There was a lot of him and a little penis
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
