he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
