I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
