She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
