I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
