She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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