I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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