I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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