can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
