I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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