rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
