I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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