he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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