So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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