do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
