On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
