This is not my ceiling
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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