i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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