I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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