sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
