best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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