just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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