Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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