Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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