She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
