what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
