i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
