I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
