Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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