and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
