Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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