My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
